By far, the most difficult part of teaching for me has been a pretty little cycle: fall in love with my kids, they mess up or do something hurtful to me, I take it personally, we make it right, repeat. Every year, I would feel myself grow in this area, able to balance caring about my kids without taking things so personally. But this past school year was by far the most growth in a year I’ve experienced in this particular area; which is ironic considering the culture at my new school encourages you to take a parental-like responsibility for your students.
You’re probably wondering what changed and I know the exact thing. I received a cute little pink card in the mail. It was from my sweet sister in law who had spent the weekend with Jacob and I in Chicago and visited me at school a few weeks prior. Previously, I had shared with her some of the challenges of the school year thus far and how I just couldn’t figure out how not to take everything so personally - after all, this was not just a job to me. One of the things she wrote was, “Remember, see the need behind the behavior.” Along with the numerous encouraging words in that card, that phrase encouraged my heart more than anything. If only every time a student reacted positively or negatively, I remembered this simple truth. Then maybe, I could finally stop taking things so personally and actually move the needle with my kids. I could help fill their need. Don’t give in and become discouraged or take things personally when students act out negatively. Try to focus on the need that isn’t met for them. If you can identify what the need is, attempt to meet the need or call on support to help get it met. It is always the most simple things that change you so greatly. Remembering the need, attempting to meet it and focusing on the student will transform your demeanor, attitude and tone - therefore, you will have a different result altogether. That being said, sometimes, you’ll lose it - and that’s okay. You are a human. An imperfect human. So in that moment, give yourself grace, apologize if necessary and challenge yourself to see the need next time. Because you know, there’s always a next time. Remember when you first met your new boyfriend's sister on a mission trip to San Francisco? I bet you couldn't have even dreamed of how she would make you better. I bet you couldn't imagine all the sweet ways she would intentionally pour into your life. (But I bet you did think she'd be your sister one day!) Be more like Erin. Maybe it’s a new family member or a new staff member. Pour into them. Let Erin be a reminder to you that pouring into people with encouraging words or showing up is valuable. As I write this, I am exhausted from yet another day in the classroom. . I have nothing left in me. And I'm happy to report that I actually had this short, meaningful phrase pop up in my head today. The sticky note on my desk that reads "see the need behind the behavior" is the extra dose of encouragement that I needed. Write it down. Put it somewhere where it will encourage you. And don't forget, be like Erin.
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It seems like both yesterday and twelve million years ago that I walked into my first classroom on the first day of school. Now, two schools, two cities and two last names later, I am four years into this crazy thing called teaching. This summer, for the first time, I’ve been given the gift of time to slow down and process my first four years of teaching. Instead of waiting four years to deep dive into reflection, take every opportunity you can! Many times I’ve brought myself back to the moment when I got my first test results and lost it. I’ve thought about the many people who, during my first years of teaching, held me up and walked with me when days were great and days were hard. I’ve thought about my first write up, my first parent phone call, my first feeling when a student just “got it”. Each of these “firsts” are vividly cemented in my memory, and I am so thankful for every one of them - good and bad. A different kind of “first” was leaving my first school, moving across the country, and finding a new school where I was excited to work. This year, I taught 6th graders for the first time and fell in love with them. Even so, this year brought new challenges as I watched myself struggle to adapt and transition seamlessly. But, I wasn’t without my people. Focus on the faces that greet you every morning, make the crazy days worth it, and are on the sidelines cheering when great things happen. Focus on the people - because at the end of the day and this life, it’s people who are valuable. Don’t focus on the really cool bulletin board, the most amazing lesson, or even the amazing yearly evaluation. Live this sentence out - it’s ALL about the people. And while I love my students and they’re the reason I do this crazy job, I’ve realized that one of my passions is seeing teachers become better. And if I’ve learned anything, I know that we are better together. And where there are great teachers, students thrive. All this to say, I’m pushing myself to continue reflecting and sharing things throughout this school year for a few reasons: 1. I am going to push my students to reflect a lot this year. And if I'm going to have them do it, I want to model it for them! 2. If something I write or share helps one person, then it was worth it. I truly believe that we are better together. So it's time there's some action behind it. P.S. If you didn’t know already, my maiden name was Seifert. So I had students screaming “Miss Seifert” for half of my teaching career. Then, in May of 2016, I married my best friend, Jacob. Now it’s “Mrs. VandeVanter” or “Mrs. V” or “Mrs. Vandy” or whatever other silly nicknames they will use to get my attention.
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