By far, the most difficult part of teaching for me has been a pretty little cycle: fall in love with my kids, they mess up or do something hurtful to me, I take it personally, we make it right, repeat. Every year, I would feel myself grow in this area, able to balance caring about my kids without taking things so personally. But this past school year was by far the most growth in a year I’ve experienced in this particular area; which is ironic considering the culture at my new school encourages you to take a parental-like responsibility for your students.
You’re probably wondering what changed and I know the exact thing. I received a cute little pink card in the mail. It was from my sweet sister in law who had spent the weekend with Jacob and I in Chicago and visited me at school a few weeks prior. Previously, I had shared with her some of the challenges of the school year thus far and how I just couldn’t figure out how not to take everything so personally - after all, this was not just a job to me. One of the things she wrote was, “Remember, see the need behind the behavior.” Along with the numerous encouraging words in that card, that phrase encouraged my heart more than anything. If only every time a student reacted positively or negatively, I remembered this simple truth. Then maybe, I could finally stop taking things so personally and actually move the needle with my kids. I could help fill their need. Don’t give in and become discouraged or take things personally when students act out negatively. Try to focus on the need that isn’t met for them. If you can identify what the need is, attempt to meet the need or call on support to help get it met. It is always the most simple things that change you so greatly. Remembering the need, attempting to meet it and focusing on the student will transform your demeanor, attitude and tone - therefore, you will have a different result altogether. That being said, sometimes, you’ll lose it - and that’s okay. You are a human. An imperfect human. So in that moment, give yourself grace, apologize if necessary and challenge yourself to see the need next time. Because you know, there’s always a next time. Remember when you first met your new boyfriend's sister on a mission trip to San Francisco? I bet you couldn't have even dreamed of how she would make you better. I bet you couldn't imagine all the sweet ways she would intentionally pour into your life. (But I bet you did think she'd be your sister one day!) Be more like Erin. Maybe it’s a new family member or a new staff member. Pour into them. Let Erin be a reminder to you that pouring into people with encouraging words or showing up is valuable. As I write this, I am exhausted from yet another day in the classroom. . I have nothing left in me. And I'm happy to report that I actually had this short, meaningful phrase pop up in my head today. The sticky note on my desk that reads "see the need behind the behavior" is the extra dose of encouragement that I needed. Write it down. Put it somewhere where it will encourage you. And don't forget, be like Erin.
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Relationships, relationships, relationships. Remember at Texas A&M, they crammed that word into our brains and hearts so much. And I’m so thankful for that. Because at the end of the day, we are in the people business and it’s all about RELATIONSHIPS.
Just like any relationship, it is absolutely insane to believe you can read people’s minds and know their opinions. So when it comes to the students in your classroom (just like any relationship), don’t assume what they think or feel - ask! I always give a Beginning of Year and End of Year Survey - and I’m thinking of giving a more formal Mid-Year Survey this coming year. The questions below are listed for each. I found mine after reading blogs and adapted them to my classroom - you can do the same! I know - middle schoolers and feedback - yikes! “They’re going to be overly critical. They’re going to be mean. They don’t know how to give constructive feedback.” Well, you’re right….if no one teaches them, they will never be able to learn how to give helpful feedback. So here’s what you say: “Today is a very important day! You get to help me out a ton. You have the opportunity to give me your opinion about me, my class and science this year. But there’s a very important rule: you must only give helpful things, not hurtful things. Helpful, not hurtful. That doesn’t mean that you have to lie, but it does mean that you can say critical things in a nice way. (insert example here).” Show your students. Teach them how to give helpful feedback. Let this be a teaching moment - after all they’ll need to know how to give and receive critical feedback in the real world. And if you don’t teach them, who will? I created these surveys on a Google Form and students can access them on chromebooks (iPads, phones, etc. would work too). |
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